break hearts what larks

im not cut out for this,

yet love is in my profession,

loving an image everyday, kowtowing, boot-licking, having mindless banters and cheering and jeering,

vomit rainbows on a model of a self,

and then again

in the end,

today i can only say,

i can love you for a night,

but i cannot do it forever.

because it will be too tiring for me,

and i dont want to feel that with you.

we can have many more nights, anyway.


whuts this fear of drowning in love, your face and presence too gagging, this past too demeaning,

im way beyond being on my knees,
on all fours, on my belly salmon-begging for love,

i can never throw myself there again.

baby i can love you for one night,

but dont make me any more than that.


because i am really only worth that much you'd pay for my fee.