am i... really so oblivious to being used?

so used to giving everything that its too much but i dont even know, so much that i appear a fool to others?

even for things- everyday things , that dont even remotely involve my angel.

i would be a fool for you,

but now i seem to be.. just plainly a fool.

too nice? wrong impressions? taken advantage of?
too ego? put me back into my place? what place? slaving again?

i think i got improve. at least now i know when i dont want to entertain certain situations for my own benefit.
and how to keep my own mind apart from what other people say..

im.. on the wrong frequency with my "happy playlist", so disheartened...

i.. dont know how, where to turn to.

i need to entertain more people, work with more things, more stuff to accomplish,

what, i need to alter my route now? what

what am i doing,

should i just walk away from this?

preserve my pride? or my work, my babies... the company, the people that depend on me to stay relevant, even if i know its too much and too unreasonably,

carrying worlds,
tanking,
paving paths for people i feel responsible for,
all in a days' work..

because i know living with people is awesome.
being the center of support is inspiring, helps unknowing people push on.

glorifying, and yet, most times i write about how selfish i am in fulfilling my own desires,

i know i wanted this list of bodies, this much of attention,

i touch because i want, and i am irresponsible because of that?

how come i never know what is enough for 5000 other people,
how i do calibrate these levels to be the same, to at least explain myself to 5000..
do i even?

facing 1 person is difficult enough.. facing the world is unpleasant..