Today is missing something,

my bones ache, i feel weak,

even skin was never enough at all,


its when i realise, i am

darn fucking free from longing for, pining for, screaming for your attention

like even if you gave some, i wouldnt be happy anyway.


your beautiful face, the way you speak, how your features and their form,

what you want from me, i

am so flooded with all these crystal clear details,

i dont have to search for more,

i dont have to google your name, go through old pictures confused,

dont have to know what you think,

i have thoroughly solved all my problems with you.


and it feels

unfulfilling, afterall.


you are all i know, and all you are i know.

its like i dont even want to touch you, look at you, do anything with you

if you were here

i just want to be you.



___________________________________________________________


you're so hot i save your picture on whatever desktop im at

because i tend to have this habit, so random desktops have random pictures of hot people.

and i get bitchy about the people you hang out with because i am jealous of your hotness.


i am thoroughly honest, so i can say please ooze more hotness because people do enjoy you being just you.

______________________________________________________________

grow up man.

im constantly in dire health but im not THAT angsty over it.

i find people hard to handle/talk to sometimes, and it irritates me and frustrates me because they dont try. i've spent so much effort getting down to knowing exactly how to relate to all kinds of people, just so i can communicate well and know that its not my fault, and its not that i dont try. but if i try so hard and we are making so little progress in just talking, i cant help but judge you as an asshole and an egoist that only waits for people to talk to you and present their topics to you as if you're better than them, as if others owe you communication, not the other way round.

i dont want to be seriously plotting and mulling over How Do I Get You To Agree With Me, because its too much work, and you're not that worth it either.

i need to get what i want from every relation afterall.

_____________________________________________________________


how do i.. get more from you.


and where did my self-respect go.



he/they put so much effort in being upright in all the right ways, i feel like my pride had been jaded too long ago.
but then again, i dont need it, the uprightness and set of code, i'll just do it my own way..

im not so holy anyway..